I occasionally catch myself saying, "I want my life back."

The life I was living in Oregon? With their father? Feeling constantly lonely and unloved?

Shit.


What I really want back are my dreams. Living in the country, having animals, a small family farm... I don't feel like those dreams are attainable anymore. At least not for a while. I keep trying to imagine doing that here... where?




HEY GIRL... stop living in the past, and the future. Live here, now.
Get up and go clean, and play with the kids. NOW... GO!

In therapy

I've been seeing a therapist for a few weeks. We're just now getting to actually talking about my past, and my present... and even a little about my future.

We decided together that the most important thing to focus on is my independence.

I found a trailer park in Santa Ana that rents out vintage trailers. It's fucking precious. Santa Ana isn't the greatest area... but I don't care. It's not Eugene.. and it's not my mom's house. The trailers are cute as fuck... me+vintage=happy. They even have little (tiny) yards. There is a park very very close and it's on a bike path. I'm not going to move out until next year, but this place is a prospect to me... it's cheap and it's small. Exactly what I want.


In order to keep my sanity, I've started doing things I love to do.

I planted a garden!
A tomato plant, chard, snow peas, cilantro, basil, rosemary, thyme... I will expand as often as possible!

I want to re-do the whole back yard... I'm going to make it easy to maintain for my parents.. right now all that is back there is an old BBQ, an orange tree and a key lime tree.. no grass, just dirt.. I want to put a bunch of stepping stones in, and some ground cover.. I don't think I'll put any grass back there though. I just did a little research. I'm going to do a clover lawn. :)



I'm doing well in school!

I have a B in my Anthro class and an A in my Geography class. I find it hard to focus in my Anthro class, but I'm trying! I honestly can't wait for next semester...

Fuck, I can't wait until the YEAR is over.. I have a lot of anxiety about the end of this year and how people are going to react. Living in a very populated area is really worrying me. I really need to start stock piling food and water, and pack some emergency bags.

This will help me feel better.

My boyfriend rocks... and so does Juniper. She's so preggers, and it's adorable!